A Book in May

I can't believe I haven't blogged in months. I am going to try and blog at least once each month whether I have much to say or not. So this one will be pretty short and simple. It is my analysis of a brief excerpt from the latest book I have read.

It is from Elizabeth George's newest book entitled Careless in Red, an Inspector Lynley murder mystery. The book is very well written and so densely packed both in plotting and characterizations that it takes time and intense concentration to "get" what is happening.

Here is one example of how she interweaves character,plot, philosophy, life meaning, together so perfectly that this short excerpt will almost surely speak to you, or to any reader.

The situation is that a young man is looking at his Father, an old man. The son, Ben, says:

"But the sight of his father had abruptly changed things for Ben. So old, he thought. So terribly old. Broken as well. He wondered how he had failed to understand till now that life had long ago defeated his father. He'd beaten his fists against it --his Father had--and refused to submit to its demands. These demands were for compromise and change: to take Life on Life's terms, which required the ability to switch courses when necessary, to modify behaviours, and to alter dreams so that they could meet the realities that they came up against. But he had never been able to do any of that, so he'd been crushed, and life had rolled over his shattered body."

If you think about this passage long enough, it will almost certainly resonate with you -- whoever you are, whatever your age, what your life is like now, what is may be in the future. It will probably stir up memories, dreams, losses, hopes, failures, sadness, joy.

And more than that: it may make you and me into more compassionate, caring, loving people as we deal with each other in intimate relationships and with a world that is desperately in need of love and understanding from us.

A good book makes you think, makes you feel, helps you to learn. Sometimes it can even change you in a significant way. Enjoy.

Time to Blog Again?

I'm not sure it's time to blog again, but that was the only title I could think of -- so much for my creativity.

I haven't been doing anything significant to be writing about, but I have been doing some thinking and feeling. Actually, the doing I do is so inconsequential and boring that no one would take time to read about it.

But, hey, the thinking and feeling --- that's something else!

So, I've been thinking about how Our Huge Fortune stashed in stocks and bonds has gone south in a big way. I don't even want to know the exact figures, but suffice it to say, we are a big percentage down from where we were in September of 2008. (If I could do the math, I'd tell you what that percentage is, but I don't do math ---I'm an English teacher)

Anyhow, the loss is pretty substantial, and my broker tells me that that amount really is gone-- despite the fact that I have sold nothing!! It just ain't there anymore. Now, what I'd like to do is find someone to blame for all this: I've thought about blaming Bush (but he doesn't care), about blaming Obama (but I don't fall under any of his guidelines to get a hand-out so why bother?), about blaming my three grown kids who are smart and should have warned their doddering old Mom, but they think I am an independent old cuss and wouldn't have paid any attention to them anyhow.

SO who am I to blame? MYSELF. That's it; that's where the buck stops; that's the way life is. And, you know what? I feel pretty good about that. Like Sinatra sings, "I did it my way." And as long as the aged brain continues to function, I will probably keep on doing it my way -- and having a great time and being wise enough to keep on taking the consequences, good or bad, that come along with my decisions.

What about feelings? I have had what we all have -- good ones and bad ones. For about a week after I changed our Tattered Fortune over from our old managment set up to a new management company, I had an absolutely terrifying number of nights when feelings of Fear, Worry, and Self-recrimination woke me up at 3 a.m. and kept me sleepless the rest of the night. It took time and several conferences with my new broker to toss those feelings into the ash heap.

But, ah, the good feelings came also.

I felt the genuine love and concern from new found friends. For no particular reason, LaRue called me to come by and visit with her and her Mom, Jane called and wanted to meet for coffee, I took an evening meal (bought from Krogers) to my newest friend, Gracie, who had knee surgery, several gals in the SS class mentioned how much they enjoyed my teaching when LaRue is gone.

And Mary Anne and Ben come by very often, and they are a delight. Mark has us over for coffee on Saturday, and we get to chat with Kim and Kat.

And so I'm feeling that life is sad and hard at times, but it is also very, very good at times.

Doing, thinking, feeling. Which one charms you the most?

If You want to know, you had better ask now

That is a cryptic statement, but it occured to me the other day that it is an important statement which I probably should share with anyone who will listen.

How did this thought spring into the muddled musings of my aged brain? Well, my mind had slipped back into the days when I was 19 and living in Ft Worth during the early days of WW2. I was remembering the guys I had dated and what might have happened to them, and one young man in particular came into my mind.

I can't remember his name at all, but I had met him through my sister and an older lady whom my sister knew and ran around with some. My sister and this woman went to what we called "honkey-tonks" in those days (now called bars) with the men they happened to be dating at the time, and occasionally I would go "stag" with them.

ANyhow, one night the older lady brought her nephew along; he was 21 and very handsome and we started dating. And befoe long, he was sent overseas to Italy as a bombardier in a B17. He flew several missions and on one of them was shot down ------ and I couldn't remember what had happened to him. I was thinking that maybe he made it back home after the war, but I wasn't sure.

Now here is the point I'm trying (not very effectively) to make.
FOR JUST A NANOSECOND, I THOUGHT, "WELL, I'LL JUST CALL MY SISTER AND ASK HER!"

Now my sister has been dead for over thirteen years and I knew that! I was not going to be able to ask her anything about anybody and that knowledge brought tears to my eyes.

And there are a lot of things I wish I had asked her over the years. And I didn't. I'd like to know more about how my family lived before I was born, who my grandparents were, where did they come from, what life was really like during the Great Depression when I was just a child, how did they find strength to cope with what life threw at them while they were growing up.

Now I will never know.

So this truth: If you really want to know something, you had better ask now.

An Octogenarian Orgy

Ever wonder what really old people do to celebrate the coming in of a brand new year? Well, they have octogenarian orgies; that's what they do! We had one on New Year's Eve, 2008, at our humble abode in Grapevine.

Our friends, the Cleavers, came down from OKC on New Years Eve to help us celebrate. They arrived about 2 p.m. and we talked until about 5 p.m. about "the olden days", and all the fun we had as young people and young adults. Then Bill Cleaver(better known as B.C.) suggested to Bill Saunders (a.k.a.B.S.) that we have a glass of wine. Of Course, Jenny and I were all for that, but I reasoned with B.S. that he couldn't drink wine because he was on drugs!! He agreed; didn't want to get "too high" and spoil the party!!

After our glasses of wine, we (Jenny and I) agreed we needed to eat out, so as to make the evening more enjoyable. We did. Chose a rather grand dining place. i.e., Jason's Deli, where each couple ordered a soup and salad to split. I ate chili in lieu of soup; B.S. had the salad. B.C. had soup, Jenny ate his salad. Our tab was pretty formidable: 5 bucks for each couple!!!

Then back to 1517 Briarcrest where we regaled each other with marvelous tales of The Great Depression days, how we worked for a dollar a day, how we never dreamed, any of us, of attending college, how World War II changed everything, and how spectacular, remarkable, and absolutely unbelievable were the things we accomplished by pure luck, hard work, and gritty determination. B.C. got a medical degree, Jenny a college degree with music major; B.S. became a Preacher with an M.Div, and holy cow, I managed to end up with a Ph.D.in English.

We ate a snack about 10:30, drank coffee and/or cokes, talked some more, yawned a lot, and finally gave up and headed for the bed at 11:00 --- who cares about seeing a stupid ball fall in NYC???

Off to bed with the same guy/gal we had slept with for 50/60 years, still in love and still grateful for the happinesses we have shared as couples and as friends.

It don't get much better than that.

Octogenarian Orgies are fun. Hope you all live to celebrate your very own special one. In the meantime, Have a Happy New year in 2009.

"We Don't Have Anything for That Here!"

I spent 5 days in the hospital this past week, and had a very unique exprience that still causes me some confusion, but which was also a very unique blessing.

After 3 days of pretty horrible pain and nausea, I was finally coming around to being a human again. I was loaded with all kind of meds; my arm looked like a pin cushion with all the needles stuck in it. And then this very unusual (funny?) thing happened.

I was lying there, talking with my daughter, and I closed my eyes to rest them for a moment. To my astonishment, with my eyes closed, I began to see pictures of people and things floating toward me. It was like there was a small camera on my eyeball, floating this way and that, and taking those pictures.

They were tiny pictures of the faces of persons, mostly male, and one and then another would move aggressively toward me. I couldn't dodge them; they frightened me with their obsessive movement.

I tried to look away (all this with eyes closed, remember) but they kept on coming back, bombarding me with their moving faces. At first, the faces were just plain people, but then they became grotesque and twisted, mouths slashed, eyes bulging, and terrible diseased spots scattered on them.

All this was happening in the space of maybe 30 seconds because I almost immediately opened my eyes and the faces went away. My heart was beginning to pound a bit now. Just to be sure that it was a momentary thing I shut my eyes again, waited a second, and there they were - back again!

Now I was becoming panicky. I hesitated to say anything to Mary, but she understands me pretty well and I thought she would believe me if I told her what was happening. So I told her and she said, "Well, gosh, Mom, that's strange."

I kinda shrugged, feeling pretty stupid, and determinedly kept my eyes open. When Mary was leaving, I shut my eyes very quickly, just to check, and, dang it. the pictures were back. But I decided to act like an adult and let Mary go without worrying her.

That was a mistake. After she left, I frantically shut my eyes again and again and there the pictures were, dancing up and down, moving fast and hatefully toward me. By now, I was frantic. I couldn't keep on doing this, shutting my eyes and then having to pop them open to ward off thedse grotesque, frightening, obsessive person pictures. I had to be able to sleep!

So I called the nurse, who just happened to be a large, black woman, very professional and very assured, and told her what was happening. At first, she just didn't say anything, but I kept on ranting about the terrible thing that was happening to me. She listened a few seconds longer , then started moving deliberately toward the door and said, "We don't have anything here to take care of that." I know she thought I was crazy.

This is all funny now, but then it was the most terrifying, horrible, frightening experience I have ever had. In desperation, after struggling another 30 minutes with the same thing happening every time I closed my eyes, I called her back and asked for a pain shot. She gave it to me and I fell asleep.

Two hours later, I woke up. The pictures were back, and now the machine feeding the tubes into my arm was making a strange sound. It was very rhythmically saying, "Attack, attack, attack" each time a drop in the I.V. hit the bottom of the bottle. (You can laugh now, because it sounds so ridiculous) but I was almost hysterical . Was I going insane? Did I have a fatal disease? Would I become a specimen for medical science to ponder over?

It was the closest I've come in a long time to completely "losing it." I wished for Mary, I wished for Bill, I wished for Mark, I wished for anyone who could help me, but I was all by myself .

But not completely.

In a moment of utter despair, desperation, confusion, fear overwhelming
me, I called out to God for help. And He was there, calming me, warming me, and loving me.

The pictures didn't stop, but I was calmer, able to think coherently and realize that what was happening could be from my cataract eye distorting things, or an effect of the many meds.

So I called the nurse back. I was determined to ask her if she heard the machine saying "Attack, attack, attack" and if she didn't, I knew I was in big trouble. Very carefully I asked her: "Do you hear the noise that machine is making?"

To my great relief, she said, "Oh yes, it's a faulty machine and has always made strange noises, which change from time to time." I was so happy to have her confirm that I wasn't really "going 'round the bend."

So there it is: my strange, weird, unaccountable experience. By the time I left hospital on Tuesday, all the pictures were gone, I was sleeping well, and the nightmare was over.

So why write all this? Remember the title, "We don't have anything for something like that?" Well, she is right; science doesn't have an answer to such experiences. But the spiritual world does have an answer for us, and it is God.

Peace and love from a grateful believer.

Back in Grapevine

We are back in Grapevine after a marvelous 5 weeks with Alice Lynn and family in BHam. So much fun being with the kids who are rapidly growing into teenage-adults. If Bill and I haven't accomplished much of anything else, we sure enough done good with having 3 children who have managed to become pretty marvelous adults --- and have given us 7 Practically Perfect Grandchildren!!

The plane trip home was a good one -- pleasant people helped us get on the plane, the air was smooth and the flight was fast. It was good to see Mary Anne waiting at the luggage place for us.

Good news on the dog scene. I had Barney overnight and got to love on him a lot; let him sleep with me, and we got up together to go potty. He is such a sweet, cute dog, and he will forever be my First Love. But then this darling little girl Shih Tsu has become our new pet. She is white with brown spots, beautiful brown eyes, and loves to cuddle like a baby!!!
We got her from a Vet whose wife is a student of Mary Anne's. And I am sure I will be in love with her also. It may seem stupid for me to take on one more responsibility, but, hey, what can I say?

I can't come up with a name for her - yet. Any suggestions? Yeah, Mark, I plan to make her second name Bruno. Something like Daisy Bruno?? or Carly Bruno? 'Course I will call her Daisy B.., or Carly B. or Whatever B., doncha know????

The wild presidential election is over and I am glad. I am also optimistic that President Obama will do well. I will pray for him as he assumes an awe-full responsibility to lead our country toward healing and health in so many troubling areas.

I hope to do some more writing for my own pleasure. I love the shape, form, sound, sense, intelligence, of WORDS, and I love trying to use them to express my thoughts, dreams, memories, hopes, and faith. One of the most profound statements about the power of the Word is found in John's gospel -- "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." --- and then the greatest miracle of all: "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us."

Goodnight and God bless!

Now Hear This

The buzz word for what is happening now seems to be "change." We hear it in differing forms: "We can change," "We will change," "Change is now." And since everyone in the USof A is urged to follow blithely down the road of "Change," I would like to make a few suggestions of change that I would especially like to find in the life of one Voter (me) whose vote is supposed to count for everything, and which I think did count in our recent presidential election.

I voted. I expressed my choice for President. And now we have a New President and a New Congress, and these are the things I would like to see changed by them -- in my lifetime -- in my lifestyle--- in my finances -- and right now!!!

And be clear about this: I want all these things in MY LIFE, which means I'm not really very concerned about YOUR Life, which sounds very self-serving and egocentric, and to be honest, that is what it is!!!

1. I want peace in this world, beginning here in America, extending to Iraq, where I want peace to prevail and I want it RIGHT NOW. That means to pull our soldiers , who have been bleeding and dying in Iraq for 6 years, back to USA so they can become part of the diminishing armed forces that need to be cut in order for more important programs to be financed by our government. We really do need to take care of the conservation of the Great White Hoot Owl in Governor Palin's North Western Part of Alaska. You know, that area that is just "right over there" from Russia. Think of the great impact that kind of compassion will have on our relations with Putin and Mother Russia! They will truly love us for it!! There will be no further need for our President to have to sit down with Putin and talk about how much he admires the Russian ethic of hard work on nuclear plants, and how much we Americans want to be "their buddies."

2. And since I am one of the many Americans who make less than $250,000 a year, I want my taxes cut --- or better still -- I want them eliminated completely. I'm not concerned about capital gains tax cuts , since I don't make enough money to worry about that. All I have to pay is income tax, sales tax, death tax, cigarette and booze tax, school tax, police and firemen's tax, trash hauling tax, gasoline tax, repairmen's tax, utilities tax, cable tax, telephone tax, dental and doctor's tax (so they can make a decent living), and church tax (we call that "tithing.") I'm sure there are some hidden taxes that I'm not even aware of, but the federal government will surely take care of those for me so I can be a happy and contented, and my psyche will be in such good shape that I won't be critical of anything or anyone! That means there will be no flack from me directed at our Leaders In Washington!!! No sir-eee---not from me.

Please start with removing my income tax. After all, my husband and I both worked for sixty years, saved, scrimped, did without, and paid taxes faithfully into Social Security in order to have a really splendid income of $7,000 a month (because we funded an IRA and a Savings Account in addition to SS taxes). We managed to buy and pay for a home and two cars on the way, and didn't accumulate anything on our credit cards that could not be paid off at the end of the month. Sounds peachy, doesn't it???? BUT we still have $600.00 a month drawn out of our retirement account (which goes to the Government's Coffer) so that we will not have to borrow money to pay our income tax at the end of the year.

And so, if you eliminate THAT income tax, I promise I will spend the $600.00 each month and thereby guarantee that the economy will get such a boost that our financial quandary will be solved. Oh, by the way, since it is MY money to spend, I will send $300.00 to my M.D. nephew in China so he can minister to sick and dying Chinese and whisper to them the gospel hope of life eternal; I will increase my gift to World Missions to $200.00 to support another young person in Africa so that now TWO people will have a chance at life. That leaves me a hundred bucks to waste on books, movies, gifts to grandchildren, and a special box of chocolates for JUST ME. I hope this wild and carefree spending on my part will satisfy the idealogues who are so anxious to bail out all our financial establishments who have been led down the path of bankruptcy by corruption, greed, and irresponsibility.

3. And while we are talking, in addition to cutting taxes for me, please let the government take immediate action to CUT the cost of living expenses drastically. That means cut the cost of groceries, clothing, medicine, gasoline, doctor's and dentist bills, repair for cars, houses, lawns, insurance, new TVs, and Miscellaneous Things (anything that I have to pay for that I haven't mentioned will fall under this umbrella.)

4. I think that is about all I need right now. But be sure, if other needs arise, I will look to YOU, The Federal Government, to come to my rescue. I don't want to be coy, but "You promised, you promised. ' Remember? Remember?

5. Now, you (the Government: President, Congress, et. al) have my blessing! Do anything you want to do to make our country great, rich, powerful, and pleasing to the rest of the world. I'm all for it; I'm right behind you!!

What was that? What did you say? How will all of this be paid for? Oh, that's so simple. NAIL THE RICH FOLKS!!! Call on Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey, all the rich CEOs and NFL Football players, and particularly the Movie Stars, and anyone else that makes over $250,000 a year. Let 'em keep their $250,000 and "eat cake." Worked in France, so why not here.

P.S. I'm not available for any Cabinet Post, any Departmental Position in D.C. I've got more important things to do: like sitting in my lounging chair and reading books --- and eating my box of chocolates.