One time, in the midst of a counseling session with my favorite psychiatrist friend, I said to him "You know, most people do not even look at old people." And he smiled and said, "You know, Marie, that's what teenagers say to me all the time, that "Nobody , nobody ever looks at them."
Since then I've thought about what he said, and I think he hit on an important truth. There is a great commonality between the angst of Teenagers and that of Aged People. At first glance, that may seem impossible because of the vast age gap between someone who is fifteen and someone who is eighty-five.
But in certain important ways, they are very much alike. For example, the Teenager is afraid of many things, and so is the Aged Person. A Teenager is afraid he/she will not be accepted by his peer group; nothing is more important at that age than that he be accepted.
And so, if he is lucky, he will find an accepting group of Teenagers and they will retreat into their own particular world with its own peculiar needs and stresses and they can discuss these worries freely and dramatically with each other.
The Aged Person is also afraid of not being accepted by people who inhabit his world. His peer group is dying all around him, but he still needs to be accepted by other people. Just as the Teenager needs someone to look at him and value him and listen to him and not be put off by his strange, wild, bizarre behavior, so the Aged Person needs someone to look at him and not be disconcerted by his anxious, fretful, disconnected actions, and value him for who he is.
If either group does not get this kind of look from someone, you will see the destruction that almost inevitably follows. The Teenager becomes wilder, more rebellious, more difficult to understand, more withdrawn into his chaotic world. The Aged Person becomes more crotchety, more morose, more hateful and critical, more withdrawn into his bitter world.
Another common fear they share is fear of the passage of time, an element over which they have absolutely no control. The Teenager looks at the future, and despite all his bravado, is afraid. He asks, "What will happen when I leave home? "What about college?" " Will I ever find someone to marry?" How can I make a living for myself?" "How can I learn to live with purpose and hope?"
The Aged Person looks at the future, and quails with fear. "What will I do when I have to leave my home? What can I do when I cannot take take of my basic needs? Will I become a burden to someone I love? "How can I continue to live with purpose and hope?"
Even in less important ways, the Teenager and the Aged Person are much alike. For example, in the simple matter of dress, there is a basic sameness in their fervent insistence on their personal choice. The Teenager wants to wear what every other Teenager is wearing, no matter how frivolous, how ridiculous, how outlandish that particular style is. From the same basic premise, the Aged Person refuses to wear the current clothing fads, insisiting on the rightness and quality of "the classic dress of my age group."
One would think, then, with so many "alikenesses" between the Teenager and the Aged Person there would be the possibility of great relationships developing between them.
And you would be right! THIS IS A REAL POSSIBILITY.
If one is lucky, an Aged Person may meet a Teenager (to the consternation and surprise of many Middle Aged Persons) with whom he may develop a symbiotic realationship that brings great joy and peace and love to the both of them!! I know this is true --- because as an Aged Person, I have been blessed with relationships with Teenagers that bring joy into my life, and I think joy into their lives.
Who else but a Teenager would listen to how I, an Aged Person , sorted between boyfriends to find my one true love?
Who else but an Aged Person would listen to how important it is to the Teenager that One Particular Boy has noticed her?
And so it is. Life is a journey, and those who walk with us in love, no matter their age, are blessings sent to us from the God of Love.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
I am forced back to my blogspot because of an important discovery I made just this week : There is an horrible epidemic spreading among our young people that must be addressed quickly, or they will be seriously impaired all of their lives.
The poor y0ung things are showing signs of serious hearing and seeing impediments!! Example: I walk in the mall each day (to keep my figure trim and healthy) and on this occasion I stopped at a kiosk to get a new battery for my wristwatch. The older man in charge was talking to a young man in some foreign language (Pharisee, I learned) and I interrupted and asked him, "How much for a new battery for this watch?" He promptly replied, "Ten dollars." "Too much," I said, "I can buy a new one at Walmarts for that. "What would be a fair price?" he asked. "Five bucks," my reply.
At that time the young man spoke rapidly to him (in their strange language, of course) and they both nodded. "Okay," he said, "I'll do it for 5 dollars."
As he worked on my watch, my curiosity got the better of me(as it so often does) and I asked him, "What did that young man say to you?"
He said, "Give it to her for 5 dollars; she's an OLD Lady."
Now, obviously that young man is visibly impaired!!! I am not an old lady. Actually I am approximately somewhere in midlife , and at times I am much younger than that, just depending on my mood, you understand. That poor young lad is obviously going blind!
I find other young people giving like evidence of poor sight. Some of them stand back, open a door for me, and occasionally even have the audacity to hold on to my arm as I step through -- as if I were a doddering old lady incapable of managing to get through a door safely!!! It's appalling!
As if that is not enough evidence of this plague, there are some young people I pass right by in the mall who do not even SEE me. I know this is true because I look them in the eye, speak to them sweetly, and they never give any evidence that I am even there. They haven't seen me. It's pitiful!
As far as their hearing impairment, I have made this judgment because of talking to my grandchildren. I engage them with an fabulously interesting story of what I did when I was sixteen, and their eyes glaze over, their tongues loll out in a peculiar way, and they gasp for breath. It's obvious they are unable to hear me at all. It does no good to talk to their parents about this problem; they don't hear very well either.
I can sympathisize, to a degree, with these impairments. There is nothing wrong with my hearing, at all, but sometimes I do not see as clearly as I should.
For example, the other day at the mall, I looked across and saw a tall, gray haired lady striding along at about my pace, wearing a red leather jacket and wearing a TexasTech ball cap, and for a second I thought she looked a bit like me.
But it was the lighting after all.
That lady had GREY hair; mine has a sexy platinum sheen. She was slightly stooped; I always stride with shoulders back and head erect. And, my god, even with one glance, I saw that she was wrinkled.
So, I understand the problem. But it is such a pity that young people are the main ones suffering this phenomenon! Perhaps as they age a bit, their good genes will kick in and their hearing and seeing will improve.
Anyhow, that's my wish for them, and until that happens, I will do my best to be understanding , sympathetic, and non-judgmental and keep on loving them anyhow.
The poor y0ung things are showing signs of serious hearing and seeing impediments!! Example: I walk in the mall each day (to keep my figure trim and healthy) and on this occasion I stopped at a kiosk to get a new battery for my wristwatch. The older man in charge was talking to a young man in some foreign language (Pharisee, I learned) and I interrupted and asked him, "How much for a new battery for this watch?" He promptly replied, "Ten dollars." "Too much," I said, "I can buy a new one at Walmarts for that. "What would be a fair price?" he asked. "Five bucks," my reply.
At that time the young man spoke rapidly to him (in their strange language, of course) and they both nodded. "Okay," he said, "I'll do it for 5 dollars."
As he worked on my watch, my curiosity got the better of me(as it so often does) and I asked him, "What did that young man say to you?"
He said, "Give it to her for 5 dollars; she's an OLD Lady."
Now, obviously that young man is visibly impaired!!! I am not an old lady. Actually I am approximately somewhere in midlife , and at times I am much younger than that, just depending on my mood, you understand. That poor young lad is obviously going blind!
I find other young people giving like evidence of poor sight. Some of them stand back, open a door for me, and occasionally even have the audacity to hold on to my arm as I step through -- as if I were a doddering old lady incapable of managing to get through a door safely!!! It's appalling!
As if that is not enough evidence of this plague, there are some young people I pass right by in the mall who do not even SEE me. I know this is true because I look them in the eye, speak to them sweetly, and they never give any evidence that I am even there. They haven't seen me. It's pitiful!
As far as their hearing impairment, I have made this judgment because of talking to my grandchildren. I engage them with an fabulously interesting story of what I did when I was sixteen, and their eyes glaze over, their tongues loll out in a peculiar way, and they gasp for breath. It's obvious they are unable to hear me at all. It does no good to talk to their parents about this problem; they don't hear very well either.
I can sympathisize, to a degree, with these impairments. There is nothing wrong with my hearing, at all, but sometimes I do not see as clearly as I should.
For example, the other day at the mall, I looked across and saw a tall, gray haired lady striding along at about my pace, wearing a red leather jacket and wearing a TexasTech ball cap, and for a second I thought she looked a bit like me.
But it was the lighting after all.
That lady had GREY hair; mine has a sexy platinum sheen. She was slightly stooped; I always stride with shoulders back and head erect. And, my god, even with one glance, I saw that she was wrinkled.
So, I understand the problem. But it is such a pity that young people are the main ones suffering this phenomenon! Perhaps as they age a bit, their good genes will kick in and their hearing and seeing will improve.
Anyhow, that's my wish for them, and until that happens, I will do my best to be understanding , sympathetic, and non-judgmental and keep on loving them anyhow.
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