Teenagers and Aged People

One time, in the midst of a counseling session with my favorite psychiatrist friend, I said to him "You know, most people do not even look at old people." And he smiled and said, "You know, Marie, that's what teenagers say to me all the time, that "Nobody , nobody ever looks at them."

Since then I've thought about what he said, and I think he hit on an important truth. There is a great commonality between the angst of Teenagers and that of Aged People. At first glance, that may seem impossible because of the vast age gap between someone who is fifteen and someone who is eighty-five.

But in certain important ways, they are very much alike. For example, the Teenager is afraid of many things, and so is the Aged Person. A Teenager is afraid he/she will not be accepted by his peer group; nothing is more important at that age than that he be accepted.

And so, if he is lucky, he will find an accepting group of Teenagers and they will retreat into their own particular world with its own peculiar needs and stresses and they can discuss these worries freely and dramatically with each other.

The Aged Person is also afraid of not being accepted by people who inhabit his world. His peer group is dying all around him, but he still needs to be accepted by other people. Just as the Teenager needs someone to look at him and value him and listen to him and not be put off by his strange, wild, bizarre behavior, so the Aged Person needs someone to look at him and not be disconcerted by his anxious, fretful, disconnected actions, and value him for who he is.

If either group does not get this kind of look from someone, you will see the destruction that almost inevitably follows. The Teenager becomes wilder, more rebellious, more difficult to understand, more withdrawn into his chaotic world. The Aged Person becomes more crotchety, more morose, more hateful and critical, more withdrawn into his bitter world.


Another common fear they share is fear of the passage of time, an element over which they have absolutely no control. The Teenager looks at the future, and despite all his bravado, is afraid. He asks, "What will happen when I leave home? "What about college?" " Will I ever find someone to marry?" How can I make a living for myself?" "How can I learn to live with purpose and hope?"

The Aged Person looks at the future, and quails with fear. "What will I do when I have to leave my home? What can I do when I cannot take take of my basic needs? Will I become a burden to someone I love? "How can I continue to live with purpose and hope?"

Even in less important ways, the Teenager and the Aged Person are much alike. For example, in the simple matter of dress, there is a basic sameness in their fervent insistence on their personal choice. The Teenager wants to wear what every other Teenager is wearing, no matter how frivolous, how ridiculous, how outlandish that particular style is. From the same basic premise, the Aged Person refuses to wear the current clothing fads, insisiting on the rightness and quality of "the classic dress of my age group."

One would think, then, with so many "alikenesses" between the Teenager and the Aged Person there would be the possibility of great relationships developing between them.

And you would be right! THIS IS A REAL POSSIBILITY.

If one is lucky, an Aged Person may meet a Teenager (to the consternation and surprise of many Middle Aged Persons) with whom he may develop a symbiotic realationship that brings great joy and peace and love to the both of them!! I know this is true --- because as an Aged Person, I have been blessed with relationships with Teenagers that bring joy into my life, and I think joy into their lives.

Who else but a Teenager would listen to how I, an Aged Person , sorted between boyfriends to find my one true love?

Who else but an Aged Person would listen to how important it is to the Teenager that One Particular Boy has noticed her?

And so it is. Life is a journey, and those who walk with us in love, no matter their age, are blessings sent to us from the God of Love.